I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Sunday, 19 February 2017

Make Gozo great again. By Stevie insignificant Haston.

I can't believe the routes I have, I miss out on a few, like the West Face of the Dru, and the North Face of Everest, but hey that's "alternative Gozo", coming to a guide book near you soon.

 Guernica  top pitch, with a hundred meters of thick static hanging from me, it must be easy.

Weather is good, climbs are perfect, yesterday I cut lots of brambles from around the starts of several routes. The never ending story of brambles versus climber trousers is a trouser manufacturers dream. The American Manafacturers have tried to change the corporate nature of Salt Lake politicians with out result, so will pull out of Salt Lake and consequently the area will lose money. Politics!


An old traditional route of mine, this is now banned from climbing, fragile this is not. When the law is an Ass etc.

The area around my islands is a huge area for sea grass called Poseidon grass, this is a very important habitat which is getting slowly destroyed, or perhaps it's getting destroyed really quickly. While climbers get routes banned, or loose access due to private land, the sea scape is raped for profit. Many areas around Malta are used for bunkering, or mooring of ships. It does not help out fish and sea! 



Do you like hanging on dongs. A climbing wall in the UK has placed hundreds of Penis's and breasts on a wall for you to fondle!

In Gozo we are still struggling with advertising our climbing, I hesitate to recommend my route which will go in the new guide as "Do you like my Dong, Donald".

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Waiting for Godot, by Stevie late Haston.

When you'r young, time seems to be stuck in porridge! As you get old, it speeds up, until you hardly ever wish things to be over, even bad things. Not that anything is super terrible in my life, just the usual unhappiness, or un- contentness. I am spoilt, but I guess I must be super spoilt, because normally I don't try wilfully to foook things up. So my little life continues.

 Yoga, I guess if you really work hard you might not have time for yoga, recently I haven't done much, and my mind is slipping towards stupidly wondering about stupidity.

Forest Gumps Mum famously said, "stupid does as stupid is". I probably got that wrong, Forest Gump after his first coffee can make me look fairly dumb after all. Is the message of that film just be kind, even if your dumb, don't get over confused, just be kind?

 A bit of climbing.. soothing stuff above the sea.

After coming back from the big trade show, with all its far off dreams, and promises of sporting excellence if you only by product X, I just feel like sitting in the sun below a cliff listening to the birds sing. Hunting season is over, birds get to be happy again. It seems there is a class of person who isn't that kind, they often seem to sink to the surface of political parties, scum doesn't sink to the bottom, it rises! Base instincts seem to burn with a greater intensity than good ones. Anyway, back to sitting in the sun.

 A little corner of the world, a balcony of balm etc.

Having just recovered from being sick, I am happy to be well. Well, as in ok. Nothing big, or grande gonna happen for a while. Big plans, eh? 

Must admit I would like to know what this is.

There's a lot of weird stuff on my island, carvings, crosses, boat bollards on dangerous cliffs. Nobody seems to know much about them. My Island is one of the oldest inhabited places in Europe, but it is still a mystery! Lets face it people are very, very strange things. 

Friday, 10 February 2017

Intelligence, Politics, Climbing, by Stevie Haston.

What animal has its arse hole on its back? A Police Horse. I have had a great time at the Ispo Show in Munich, seeing lots of new climbing gear, and seeing wonderful people. Don't get me wrong I love my island, but we are a simple people living a hum drum life, so the opportunity to talk, or be educated by others is fantastic. The world is big, most peoples brains are small.

 They shall not pass-well they are creeping through, they are called MPs.

As I approached the exit of the airport reception, what shock I had, Malta has suspended Schengen! I asked what it was all about and was asked rudely to move along.
In Germany there was lots of security with lots of warnings, funniest situation for me was watching two female police with Machine guns, flirting with each other, they seemed oblivious of all the terror going on-just love was in the air.

 Shame. I will never forget this, never. I will forget many things, many lies by governments, many false flags, but what was going on in these "minds".

Its a funny weird thing that I fell in love with climbers again. They are for all their peculiarities and obsessions, clearly different, a bit more clever, a bit harder to fool, and some of them have had lives as big as the mountains they climb.

 Anybody seen Democracy, I seem to have lost it.

Ispo is a very weird thing, we make gear keep it secret, display it, try to make money out of it, then a few years later everybody has copied your works of genius. There's also some incredible works of merchandise crime, like the price for water proof breathable material. Consumerism, and competition, and tariffs, and money is what we are about at Ispo. Take your Abacus!

 Oblivious.

A lot of the gilded advertising seems to slip by most people, the dreams are dead. The snowboarding halls were empty, overtaken by short fat skis! Why are we in these weird cycles-money. Always follow the money. If you have trouble with politics try following the money, and put the Bullshit Filter on. I can sell you one-cheap price just for you my prince.

 I love this photo, I remember a fat friend of mine once in the days when you wore pile clothe (fleece) he had some how lost his jacket and looked like fat snowball.

Theres not been much snow in europe but theres been a good bit of ice. The world is so imperfect, large parts are flat, no cliffs, but hey you can grow wheat, and tulips, and bacon there, you can create huge swathes of the population you can cheat. The Ispo for rich people is called Davos. But you can't get in there and Maggie May will never tell you what goes on, how democratic is that?



A sea of cloud.


Seas of cloud are more than perfect, no people either good, or bad. Just the romance for the bones of the earth, and once you get above the clouds you are in a special place. But of course not if you are in a ski resort, thats just an extension of the Paris/London/ Munich underground.  A few manufactures are not going to the American show Utah as a protest against the Utah politicians tying to block the last National Park, good for them. But will that actually do anything except save them money?

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Battle ship Phallisatica,by Stevie Haston.

The world is not right, the human virus is out of control again. Anyway went out climbing. It was great, the interaction between one friend, and a dog, and several kilometres of inert stone was enjoyable. Not a bad thing happened, no real bad thoughts. The sea had that calming affect it does, and the sucking, hollow feeling just under my ball sac created a small vacuum were anything political could disappear to. 


 A couple of these odd carvings were found as well as, lots of evidence of climbing fishermen.

The fishermen have been here for centuries, but climbers only recently, or were we once the same.

 an old fossil lying on a bed of older fossils.

I love this ledge, it's a nice place to read, but even doing that seems to intrude into its old vibe. It's probably a better place to chug down a bottle of Port, and sleep naked in the sun to wake up to blisters the size of tomatoes.

 In the summer belaying in the sun on these cliffs allows you about 20 mins before you pass out!

Anyway, have soloed a half dozen little routes here, maybe more, I'ave lost count, it's not important in reality. However at a certain stage I should sort it all out, so others can enjoy this lovely spot. Great swimming at the bottom also, with depth of 60 meters just a little bit out! 

 nice reminder of a time before evil politicians.

There are so many great routes here, as my life ticks away, I regret being so lazy, but what can you do. There is only so much ginseng you can take.

 Gollum, or Holdoor?

I need a thousand bolts, and glue, and time. 

I kept on saying Holdoor as I climbed up and down this lovely bit of human interaction with fossilised algae and shells.


Can you believe that some peoples idea of fun is messing about in other peoples lives, or destroying them! Anyway a lovely day, the poor dog doesn't like these cliffs, he was anxious about me, maybe he thinks I am getting doddery, he occasionally looked down, and whimpered for me. Still he doesn't have to keep up with the new fascist groove train thats taken off from stations all around the world. One of the routes I did today is called To the Finland Station, I wonder what percentage of different parts of the world have read that?

Sunday, 29 January 2017

Project Mayhem by Stevie Fight Club Haston.

You have all watched Fight Club? Project Mayhem is the bit towards the end when the Civil disobedience slips into destruction of debt. May the Prime Minister of the UKs project seems to be make every Britisher so ashamed of being British that they get passports from other countries. She doesn't want a wall, she just wants the non rich to leave. Being sick, isn't that great, it's the flu. Having a malaise that involves being ashamed of being English, and also being part of an ever increasing complicity with the capital virus is however more serious. For our Prime minister to go down on her bended knee to the Fascist leader of America, and then the next day to rush over like a slavish slattern to do the same to Erdogan is appalling. It some how was not unexpected, this is the great sin. I and many others saw it coming, and it some how still happens, against all morality, and decency, it still happened.


                       Death of A.D

The ACLU have just won a stay against the anti Muslim travel arrangements of Trump, because they were unconstitutional. ACLU stands for American Civil Liberties Union, they have been instrumental in defending things that most people think are American freedoms, yet some how keep being strangled,  and extinguished by Americans. Go figure as Americans say.


 Hanging from a rope is better than hanging from your neck, but hanging on the words of a madman and a mad woman, is not a feel good strategy.

 I am so happy to be going to the Big trade show in Munich for next week end, a whole world community of climbers, business and pleasure. Beer in plenty, bluster, barking about mad politicians. Russians, Iranians, Koreans, Japanese, UK'ers, or should I now say Scots, Little Englanders, Welsh, and Northern Irish, it's all too much for a little boy like me. With a bit of luck the flight over the dolomites will be clear, and  the Tre Cime, or the Drei Zinnen will be visible. Who cares what they are called. Mountains belong to all.

 Make Gozo Great again.

Nationality will end one day, obviously not before time. How many times do we have to intermarry, and mix our genes before we realise we are one people? Our schools must be failing in some profound way, so  that bigotry is still rife. The physical health of the nation is clearly poor with at 15 % obese, but what is the mental health like? How many percent of any given nation is racist?



 Waiting for my Green Card…

Dust to dust, bury my heart at Wounded Knee, not in the corner of an English field with the poppies nodding in the breeze, or maybe just feed me to the fish here in Gozo.

Shame, Shame.. you all must've watched Game of Thrones where you'r whipped, and scourged, naked down those steps in Gerona Spain, which is clearly standing in for the Whitehouse.


Weapons of Mass Delusion, Sealed with a Kiss, when SWAK replaces NATO. I really wanted to just pass the last remaining years going from cliff to cliff, climbing with great people of whatever nation, but hey it was just a dream. They say there's no such thing as an atheist in a fox hole, but there's no such thing as a racist either, your willing to be saved by any one! Shame is some thing that Presidents don't seem to have, but the above photo shall live in infamy.

Thursday, 26 January 2017

Death of American Democracy, by Stevie Haston.


Are they telling you in America, that the States just slipped into the category Flawed Democracy? 

I'll just make it simple for you, like a contest, people love contests. America scores 7.93 versus Malta 8.39 on a score sheet that compares 600 different criteria into a democratic point score chart.  Lets put the UK in there at 8.36, still below the tiny republic of Malta, but it's us Maltese by a short fat head, we have short fat heads, not empty ones - a racial characteristic .

 the perfection of a good climb….indeed a work of art and great happiness.

Norway is still at the top with 9.93, with the other Scandinavian countries just a little behind!
The cut off mark is a score of under 8, so your " easy over" democratic eggs, have just slipped off your Teflon coated Taco. 


 Happy, content, the dog is thinking this is wrong he is my bitch/ pillow/thing….

I am going to Germany next week, I hope to be part of the great human climbing tribe with people coming from America, Norway, UK, Iran, Japan, Turkey etc you get the picture. Will there be anybody from Saudi Arabia, who is allied with America and the UK? Saudi scores just 1.93 on the International Democracy score! That score is almost the same as North Korea, who we always seem to demonise! 

 thorns like barbed wire, trundled broken rocks, general every day house work.

It's a shame you can't tidy up a country like you can a route! How did Mike Pence become the Vice President of America? His attitude to Abortion, and rape, seem almost Saudi Arabian. He even suggests that women might get pregnant  from rape, just to get a few days off work, as well as an abortion.



peek thru the window and you sometimes see the sea, sometimes oranges this time of year.

There is a window into the past, it's opening right now, today seems to be 1933 Germany. It is probably not the time to pull the curtains, and shut the scary stuff  out by not talking politics. Shutting the curtains will not stop Kristallnacht. Kristallnacht is a lovely route of mine on crystal- its a happy sharp bright thing, the other Kristallnacht is something most Americans wouldn't be able to tell you about, their education is too poor. Kristallnacht is a dark, cruel, painful thing. We don't want more Kristallnachts.
 You can check these numbers in the Spectator I think. Have a look, before they get even worse!

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

To climb, or not to climb, by Stevie Haston.

 poor Alex doing battle with  Brambles.

8th day of flu, been out path making, bloody hard work, but it is harder to stay indoors looking at America, and its post election complaints.  There should be a wailing, and a gnashing of teeth in America, but because dentistry costs so much, there never will be. It's your own fault, your electoral two party system doesn't work! Like in the UK, it doesn't work. If you were a bit clearer headed you might realise they are both coca cola, they are both business. Hey Ho, go climbing. I went climbing primarily because it was fun and challenging, but secondly, I knew that dialogue with the power base was impossible, why should the King listen to complaints from the peasants? If you don't think you'r a peasant go to Davos, or be Canadian where 5 guys money is worth the rest of Canadians. That is liberal Canada FFS!

 the view clockwork ferries on a copper etched sea.

I expect over the next few years to see the complete suppression of freedom to choose anything except what the rich prescribe in both America, and the UK. Even after you get rid of Trump, his nasty new laws will be kept on. Just like the anti Terror laws, they will be deemed necessary, long after people understand that there was very little terror. There was more danger in the 1980s than now! But hey it's easier to fool people now, we are dumber, we have been dumbed down.To prove it look at your President, he is surely the dumbest, he even makes Cameron look like a genius. Camerons penchant for putting "his little peter"into a dead pigs mouth is now eclipsed by the thought of the Great Orange Headed Leader of the free world cavorting in a Moscow Hotel with some "Ladies" with the sprinklers going on! We are so lucky to be entertained thus, or are we being distracted?    

 same same a bit blue..

Polution on my island from cars is awful, it's affecting peoples health, and the quality of life. Whats the solution? Electric cars and busses, its easy, we are a tiny island. Will it happen? No it won't, the business deals will remain in place, the government will just stick to the plan, and the plan is to get re elected, it's not to give people a free healthy electric powered bus service.

 animal rescue … we took a gift collected by the kids for the animals

My island is tiny, one of the businesses here is beef! Can you seriously believe that? Yep we keep them indoors in the heat all year round, because hey there's only room for cars here. We are the most obese nation in Europe, and we are getting more beef farms! The local animal protection is a sweet little place, but the local MacDos isn't, eh?

 12 swans have sook sanctuary on our island, they have not been questioned about politics, luckily they are white so everything should be good.

Don't ask me what these 12 swans thought they were doing landing on 8 mile like long Gozo, maybe they were on drugs! Anyway these Swans are now a big attraction! Even one of the normally rabbid hunters saved one from an attacking local duck, which had a swan pinned down. Several explanations have been offered up for this little fight, one is that it was a racist attack, the second most favoured, is that it was a sexual advance as our gene pool is so small. All our pools are small! Look at the photo, thats the biggest bit of water on the island, and its the wettest year since we sponsored Noah.

 local Copper protecting the swans…

Other countries have terrible things happening to their police, ours it must be said are not quite in the same boat! If asked to hit people over the head with batons they would probably opt for balsa wood ones, hey we are all related-like in the rest of the world for sure-but yep here we are all related!

 solar powered industry, salt pans in full production boom.

Flu is a drag, but it does put make you think a bit, instead of hanging from a rope above a pleasant drop into Trumps huge intellect, you muse on certain other things. Peaceful demos against Trump will get you no where, it is only the threat of civil disobedience that will change America and the UK. That's why every government in each country is attacking your civil liberties and militarising the police. You got the NHS because they feared socialism and revolution in the UK, not because they liked you!  They are now taking it away because they can. In America they have just undone Obama Care, job done. Governments are allowed to be violent, they invade other countries, they steal oil, but hey ho, wave a placard at a police officer covered in a space man suit-shit thats bad, thats violent
.

the slippery sloppy crack project.. never got any where on this….will keep diligently failing while it violently re buffs me
.

Please remember I would never advocate violence, yes you guys from the UK, USA, and France who monitor my computer, I do not advocate violence, just as I don't advocate stupidity. You have 4 years of the greatest robber baron in recent world history in charge of America-good luck with the flowers against the pepper spray!
I,ll leave you with the pleasant thought that repealing Obama Care will cause 44,000 deaths a year! But of course that isn't violent, tell that to those people who will die!